You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
