dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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