She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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