I seem to have left my pride at pride
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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