I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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