hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
