If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
