Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
