his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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