Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
