the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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