9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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