remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
