Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
