i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
