you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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