This is not my ceiling
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
