I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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