Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
