so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
