so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
