I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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