I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
