Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
