That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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