I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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