Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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