Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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