k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
