I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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