I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
