omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
