finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
