After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
