did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
