Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.