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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"

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• (716): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  So you threw a sword at me last night

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night

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  29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (951): View more from California

  Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.

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  21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.

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• (949): View more from California

  You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard

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• (408): View more from California

  You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.

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