i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.