I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
