we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.