I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up