chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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