shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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