awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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