well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
