Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
