I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
