Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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