Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
