do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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