I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
