Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
