Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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