Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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