Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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