I'm gonna have a badass scar
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
