Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
