I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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