There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
