the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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