this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
