There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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