i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
