so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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