I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
