we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
