I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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