i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
