Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
