my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
