I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
