And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
