is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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