I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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