That's when you crack a 10am beer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
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