JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
