No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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