im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
