saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize