yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
