He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
