Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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