You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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