hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she woke up with a sticky ear
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
