Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
