i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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